Public Service Announcement

Sitting on radiators is a fun thing to do. So is seeing all the different ways your claws can get stuck in curtains. But, if you're on a radiator, don't try to stretch to the curtains. You may or may not fall right off the radiator, be flipped and left hanging upside down from the curtains until Mommy rescues you and you love her forever and ever and ever and ever.

Just saying.

Boomer!

A Word on Hygiene

Cleanliness is next to godliness, as are cats. Thus, it is our responsibility as members of the feline population to maintain certain levels of hygiene at all times. Naysayers may scoff, indicating that said hygiene is obtained via one's tongue and therefore not as valid as standing under the hot spouted thing that Mommy stands under each day. Other Mommy uses it too, but less frequently. I've observed them using this device and spent much time in its midst, ruminating. Why would anyone in their right mind or otherwise (I'm looking at you, Boomer) ever subject themselves to a direct stream of wet? It's preposterous. Also, who is to say that the water from that source is even clean. If it's from my tongue, at least I know where it's been. Which provides a natural segue for places that the proper cat should keep clean at all times. (Again, I'm looking at you, Boomer.)

• In between one's paws.
• The belly.
• Private parts.
• Face (use paw for access).
• Boomer's butt or privates.

Also, when maintaining proper hygiene, one should always remind their owners that the litter box should be changed REGULARLY. Obviously, 2-3 times per day would be best, but good luck. Cretins. I am oft reduced to harnessing the power of my mighty bodily functions to send messages re: the lax litter box care. Do they listen? No. I've taken to treating their bathing area as my toilette and they are completely unphased. Well, Mommy is a bit nonplussed. Usually my ministrations result in a dramatic gagging ritual, when she screams out statements like, "I'm trying, I'm really trying to get it, but you know, I have the gag reflex..." This usually causes Other Mommy to call her a baby and deal with my business. These are the moments when I wish I could speak English in addition to writing in in it. I might stand by the box, retch and prattle on about being grossed out and having an active gag reflex, and wait for Other Mommy to correct the situation.

My, how I've rambled.

Boomer, if you're reading this, for the love of God, wash yourself. You're a disgrace to cat kind.

-Sgt. Kitty

P.S. Marshmallows are not dignified cat food. Dried beef on the other paw...

Note to self:

Laundry day is a great day for escaping. Mommy goes in and out with full hands. But discretion, I think, is key. Today I meowed at the door a while, flew out, but as always, forgot how to do the stairs and Mommy caught me. Picked me up by my armpits and everything. Can you say "demeaning?"

Stop and Shop bags are a fun place to rest. Sometimes I let Mommy pet me on her lap for a while so I get relaxed, and then jump into the bag.

That is all.

Boomer!

PS. Still no marshmallows.

PPS. We did get some grape stems though.