Public Service Announcement

Sitting on radiators is a fun thing to do. So is seeing all the different ways your claws can get stuck in curtains. But, if you're on a radiator, don't try to stretch to the curtains. You may or may not fall right off the radiator, be flipped and left hanging upside down from the curtains until Mommy rescues you and you love her forever and ever and ever and ever.

Just saying.

Boomer!

A Word on Hygiene

Cleanliness is next to godliness, as are cats. Thus, it is our responsibility as members of the feline population to maintain certain levels of hygiene at all times. Naysayers may scoff, indicating that said hygiene is obtained via one's tongue and therefore not as valid as standing under the hot spouted thing that Mommy stands under each day. Other Mommy uses it too, but less frequently. I've observed them using this device and spent much time in its midst, ruminating. Why would anyone in their right mind or otherwise (I'm looking at you, Boomer) ever subject themselves to a direct stream of wet? It's preposterous. Also, who is to say that the water from that source is even clean. If it's from my tongue, at least I know where it's been. Which provides a natural segue for places that the proper cat should keep clean at all times. (Again, I'm looking at you, Boomer.)

• In between one's paws.
• The belly.
• Private parts.
• Face (use paw for access).
• Boomer's butt or privates.

Also, when maintaining proper hygiene, one should always remind their owners that the litter box should be changed REGULARLY. Obviously, 2-3 times per day would be best, but good luck. Cretins. I am oft reduced to harnessing the power of my mighty bodily functions to send messages re: the lax litter box care. Do they listen? No. I've taken to treating their bathing area as my toilette and they are completely unphased. Well, Mommy is a bit nonplussed. Usually my ministrations result in a dramatic gagging ritual, when she screams out statements like, "I'm trying, I'm really trying to get it, but you know, I have the gag reflex..." This usually causes Other Mommy to call her a baby and deal with my business. These are the moments when I wish I could speak English in addition to writing in in it. I might stand by the box, retch and prattle on about being grossed out and having an active gag reflex, and wait for Other Mommy to correct the situation.

My, how I've rambled.

Boomer, if you're reading this, for the love of God, wash yourself. You're a disgrace to cat kind.

-Sgt. Kitty

P.S. Marshmallows are not dignified cat food. Dried beef on the other paw...

Note to self:

Laundry day is a great day for escaping. Mommy goes in and out with full hands. But discretion, I think, is key. Today I meowed at the door a while, flew out, but as always, forgot how to do the stairs and Mommy caught me. Picked me up by my armpits and everything. Can you say "demeaning?"

Stop and Shop bags are a fun place to rest. Sometimes I let Mommy pet me on her lap for a while so I get relaxed, and then jump into the bag.

That is all.

Boomer!

PS. Still no marshmallows.

PPS. We did get some grape stems though.

Today I knocked over some water and made Other Mommy clean it up. Ha, sucker. Then I knocked over some mail, and some books, but to my utter dismay, this did not get Other Mommy to react in any way. It's all still on the floor, the slob. She was supposed to fill my food bowl with the good food, but clearly she is denser than I thought. This new food will do, I suppose, but she had that whole jar of dried beef, which I knocked over and opened, owing to my my superior knowledge of physics, and started eating happily, but then she took it away like the fascist she is. Where's my good food? Why is she being so selfish?

And then I nuzzled heads with Other Mommy.

And then I played with the mail since it was on the floor already.

fun ideas

I think a really fun thing to do is lick radiators. It's hard to jump up though cause they are full of wholes and sometimes my paws land in a one and I start to fall. So I have to scramble up, but then when I get there it's fun. You can lick radiators for ages and they still taste good. Sometimes I lick for so long I forget and fall asleep. But what could be better then waking up on a radiator? Plus, you can lick it some more without having to jump up again, which saves time! If you don't have a radiator, other things I recommend licking are:

-walls
-marshmallows
-Mommy's hands
-Sergeant Kitty (my big sister)

If you like to chew things, I suggest paper towels. The mommies don't really like it so much, Other Mommy grumbles and Mommy pretends not to notice.

Kitty and I have been busy finding new things to do lately cause Mommy has been gone a lot. I mean, I know I'm not a kitten anymore, but it hasn't been easy. A girl can only nap so long without being petted. Right?

Does anyone ever wonder where they go? I keep trying to get out of the door and see but they always catch me and bring me back in. Kitty says that it's natural to have some curiosity, but she wouldn't risk it. What if there is no food on the other side of the door? Kitty worries about food a lot. She says I should go and sometimes eats my neck to prove the point. I think it's cause she hates to share the food bowl. I usually have to eat at night when she's already gone to bed. I think she'd miss me though.

I wish we had marshmallows. : (

I think I might have just fallen asleep, but I can't remember.